We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Boobs speak an international language.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
