His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
