I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
