just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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