College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize