I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize