i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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