we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
