I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I didn't notice because vodka
You pole danced in your parka.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
