she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
