I'm pants shitting drunk right now
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
