I am in a vortex of obligation.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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