What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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