omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
