so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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