I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
