Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
