Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
