i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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