Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
did you just send me my own nude
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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