he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
