do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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