imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
