I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
