All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
