Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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