That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
