Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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