Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
