tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
