my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
