I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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