How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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