i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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