I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
