I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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