He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
