i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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