we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
