i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
