i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
