he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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