I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
