well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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