dude i'm inner monologue high
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
