my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
