We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
