so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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