Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
