I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
