i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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