Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
tell me about the fingering
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