i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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