she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
