2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
