before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
