Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
