Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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