All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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