I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize