today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
