Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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