And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize