I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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