someone get that fucking seahorse.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Houston, we have a blender
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
