omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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