she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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