why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize