I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
