That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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