somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
