she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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