dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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