The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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