I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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