i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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