I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize