We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
