The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
