so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
