last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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