Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
