he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
