I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
