Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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