My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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