tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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