There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
