so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
