I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
