And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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