you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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