The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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