My Higher Power is John Stamos
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
