It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
be right there i have to get my cape
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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