Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
