how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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