Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
