I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
