I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
