...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
